 In the delightful way that teenagers sometimes can, my son is being uncooperative and a touch moody.
On a good day, I see him as asserting his independence and my role is trying to help him gain skills in how he does this a little more gracefully. It is all part of growing up and sometimes, it can get a little ugly. We are going on holiday in a week and it is looking a little rocky. It might not be the hoped for restorative time where we can recharge. But expectations need to be put aside, it is part of the ups and downs of life. It has definitely been stressful with all the curveballs that get thrown into our family life. This level of stress is manageable and I know life gets a lot worse than this. It is a nice problem to have really - we are lucky to have energetic kids and go on holidays. Thankfully I have my stress busters that help me through this turbulence. They help me respond as well as possible and avoid getting too caught in the stressful whirlwind. 1) Movement This includes yoga of course, plus gentle jogging with very loud music, walking the dog and sometimes even going for a swim. It all works. Exercise is a tried and tested for many people, and never fails. No-one ever went to a yoga class and came out feeling more stressed. Movement shifts the energy, it rebalances hormones in the body, it helps discharge overwhelming feelings and creates much-needed head space so we can address what is causing the stress as skillfully as possible. It is my first go-to method. 2) A break or change of scene Even if it is getting out for a coffee. A change of scene, a change of surroundings, and friendly people. It gives you perspective, clears the air, and reminds you that not everyone is hostile. Of course a retreat from it all (which holidays should be but often aren't) is great. It helps re-establish a more balanced view on everything that is going on and come back to base. My upcoming September day-retreat is just what some of you may need - I know need it. See more below. 3) Breathwork This isn't a first-aid, immediate kind of fix. It is a practice taken over time which builds resilience and balance with our energy and emotions. I have a daily breath practice. I take my yoga postures with slow, measured breaths making the calming 'ocean' sound, and then I sit for a few minutes at the end and take a pranayama (breathwork) practice. It is subtle; it feels like I could skip it and it wouldn't matter on any given day. But the accumulative effect over the weeks is profound. It makes a huge difference to how I show up and how well I cope. Yes, it does have an immediate effect, I feel more spacious and refreshed right away, but this also builds over time. It is sort of like taking a shower for your brain and nervous system, cleaning out the built up gunk that stress tends to leave us with and restores my sense of clarity. And the subtlety of it helps me connect to something far quieter and quite essential. We'll be doing some of this in the day-retreat if you want to learn more about it. My fourth one is coffee - but that really goes under taking a break :-) ___ | Upcoming retreats | Right here in Bristol with Clara for a lovely day of gentle yoga 15th September 2024 Or our weekend retreat for next year will be announced soon too. Find out more >
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 Once school broke up for the summer, I had an idea in my head that my teenage boys would sleep late. It turns out I got the other kind of teenage boys. Ones who get up really early, and I'm always the last one downstairs.
At first I was a bit disappointed. Where was my peaceful morning coffee while the kids lay in? This used to happen, even last year. Where was my longer yoga practice and more leisurely pace for the weeks over the summer? Yes, my expectations set me up for a mismatch with reality. It is all good really, I love that they are healthy and able to get up and start their days. It just seemed odd and out of kilter with what I had thought. It is easy for expectations to hit that mismatch in our yoga practice too. We expect a certain practice and a certain result. To feel stretched this way and that way. To feel energised, vibrant, calm and for it to improve how we feel in some way. And yes, it might. And thankfully, it usually does. But our expectations will set us up for a fall at some point. It won't always go how we expect it to. And we need to be open to what we aren't expecting or even open to what we wouldn't choose to experience. And to note any disappointment, anxiety, judgement or frustration that then arises. We might feel that our practice wasn't good enough, that we didn't like what we were doing, that the yoga didn't work. But perhaps the yoga did work, and is helping you discover something unexpected. Perhaps you have discovered the reality of how you are. Whether you like it or not. At some point in your practice, you'll discover that you can't do the thing you could do last time you tried. Perhaps you felt stiff or had a pain, didn't feel strong enough, felt agitated, stuck, dissatisfied in some way. You expected your practice to make you feel great again. You want your yoga to allow you to continue to do the tough stuff forever. Yoga can't do this, obviously. But there is something wonderful that we can find, every time. Yoga can help you discover that being open to how you actually are, not how you think you are or would like to be, and accepting completely what you find, is a beautiful, less effortful, less frustrating route to the spaciousness and ease that yoga can lead you to - if you allow it. Yoga doesn't do this by satisfying our expectations. Especially when these expectations are mismatched with reality. It does it by allowing you to let go of notions of what you hope to create or change. It feels like a conundrum at first - how do you do that? You don't, yoga does, you just show up and be open and attentive to what you discover. |
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